To The Class of 2016

I have never linked up for Friday's letters, and I thought my first go at this will all be letters written to my 8th grade students, as they get ready to leave me at the middle school and head off to the high school. This is what I would tell them.
Please forgive me if I have more school related posts than normal. The end of the school year really keeps my mind here at work.


Dear Students, We have 3 weeks left of school. I am more just as excited for mid-June to come as you are. Please don't act like a jack ass for these last couple of weeks, I want to remember you fondly.
Dear Class of 2016, You were born in 1998. Please don't try to tell me about the "good old days, when Tupac was alive." He died in 1996. You were not born.

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Dear Students Who Tell Me Tupac is Alive, Do you know who else people claim is alive? Elvis. Those people are nuts. Maybe Tupac and Elvis are kickin' it together, but probably not.
Dear Boys in 3rd Period, How are you in the "cool group?" You openly fart in class, without shame. I have NEVER had boys just fart in class the way you to do. Next time, please go out on the porch. You are making my classroom stink. (Seriously, when I was in middle school, if you farted you might as well have had a flesh eating bacteria. NO ONE would have talked to you.)
Dear Boys in 5th Period, I do not look like Brandi from Storage Wars.

 

Dear Students, Hi. I'm your health teacher. Please remember all that stuff I taught you in our sex ed unit, especially the part about abstinence. That was pretty important. Also, smoking cigarettes does not make you cool or attractive. Finally, please remember that washing your hands is the best way to prevent disease. Also, you cannot get pink eye from farting on a pillow. And stop watching 1000 Ways to Die. That show is stupid.